btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
