Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
