the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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