If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
