why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
