I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
