How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
