May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
