woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
