try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
