Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
