To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
