I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
