You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
