Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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