I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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