What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
