I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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