Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
