I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
