I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
