I CAN MOONWALK!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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