How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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