You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
