Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
