Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
