I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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