Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have fence marks all over my body
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
