Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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