I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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