Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
