FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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