You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
