So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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