WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
