Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
