she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
