he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
