i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
