is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
