You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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