So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
