I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
