One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
