So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Panties = found
Randomize
