it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Still dying that you shit outside
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
