She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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