apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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