I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
