just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
