I love black thongs
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
