I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
