dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize