i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
