i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
