I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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