Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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