So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
