She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
its liver damage thursday
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