Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
