i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
