I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
