So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
