my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
